Welcome to casual Friday, please leave your wallet in your pants on the way in. If you catch cold, you needn’t worry friend, universal healthcare will be available soon, pending you are only ill during the first five to eight months of the fiscal budget.  In the unlikely event you drown in said forthcoming “sea of change,” you and your family will receive proper documentation thoroughly explaining how it was in fact George Bush who is not only responsible for your own demise, but also for the ozone the sea level the global economic melt down the fall of the big three corruption on wall street corruption on capital hill non-binding resolutions dead baby seals faulted middle east relations Iranian nuclear empowerment foreign energy dependence social security bankruptcy savings depletions retirement depletion unemployment unstable infrastructure college tuition increases trans-fats and of course rosie o’donnell. Should you, in the course of supposed catastrophe become un-employed or even mildly uncomfortable its important to know that help is on the way in the form of “tax credits,” which is a clever yet useless and fiscally disastrous distraction term that usually ends up in gross miscalculation, overpayment, budget molestation and yes, even more confusion over the tax code. If there are any questions regarding policy, administrative position, cabinet member selection or any other general inquiry into what the next four years will look like, google Clintons’ reign in the White House and then look sharply to the left. It is also advisable to forget everything you have learned about The Constitution as well The Bill of Rights, as these documents have been deemed outdated, out of touch with reality, tools of the nutty religious right, and I quote (in regards to The Constitution), “a charter of negative liberties.” And since the very first line of the presidential oath reads “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States” we must now request that during said pledge of oath you ignore your president elect crossing his fingers behind his back and focus only on his other hand on the bible. AND…since the entire family stopped attending church as soon as the election ended…AND since the last church they belonged too was run by a racist anti-American extremist who coached your president elect for twenty years…AND since he has gone on record accusing most mid-westerners of “clinging to guns and religion” we ask that you also ignore the hand on The Bible, as it is merely a formality, much like the election itself.

Don't do it George!